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New
and Bright Idea - Recycle your old books, CD's, DVD's, and Videos.
We're in the process of incorporating most of our clonestar pictures
into book covers, cd and dvd labels, and video jackets. So feel
free to print 'em out and past 'em on your old stuff, then put
'em out on the coffee table and make for some idle chit chat
or heated social debate with your friends and neighbors. You
can call 'em your "fakeovers!" |
4/07/01"The Presley van Gelt and Cleopatra Taylor Story"
First off, above
is a legendary out take sighting used as a very private book
club cover that my spineless cousin Richard failed to show you
just because he has no official model release from the guy in
the gold lemay suit. But it just happens to be none other
than Liz's recluse Art Director, Vincent van Presley Gelt. I
just hacked across it on Reeko's hard drive and I think the world
has a right to see who's makin' the movies our kids are bein'
exposed to. No fancy gold frames here from yours truly,
the Clearview Kid, just the bared ass truth.
Yes, it's been
done before, but never like this. Below is Leonardo and Mona's
proud and noble offspring, Jacqi daVinci~
10/10/01"Jackie,Oh!"
This
never officially released album exposes Nat King Cole's real
inspiration for his classic Mona Lisa tune.
3/3/01"Van Gogh Dayz Again: An Impression"
And here the infamous
art head is again, with another of his many sweethearts, hoping
to get a free meal as the guest of honour at the St. Louis Art
Museum's extravaganza of "Vincent van Gelt and the Petit
Blvd. Painters."
10/13/01"Shirley's
Temple Black"
The
child film prodigy displays her grown up ambassadorial savoir-faire
for the very first time in this extremely private honeymoon snapshot.
10/27/01"Sigourney
Weaver's Space Cadets"
A
youthful and somewhat whimsical Sigourney Weaver sparkles in
this early costume test for an in-house Disney production of
"Space Cadets." Frank Gifford secretly previewed
the still and introduced Sigourney to Kathy Lee who. after considerable
deliberation, cast Sig in her first Alien flick.
10/27//01"Arayana
Hitler's Toys of Supremacy"
DNA experts claim this hand-tinted
image of Hitler's sister Arayana is actually Hitler's estranged
son Rudolf dressed in drag.
4/06/01"Catfight
in Missouri: D-Day at Merimac Caverns"
a new release written
at the entrance tunnel to Cabaret Bogart inside Rick's Victory
Caves along Historic Route 66 near Normandy, Missouri.
(Lauren Bacall, Humphrey
Bogart, Ingrid Bergman)
3/10/01"That
Solid Gold Gucci Girl"
Whoopi Goldberg's
struggling sister, Gucci Goldberg, finally steps into the lime
light in this private audition photo locked away for too many
years in the Ian Fleming family archives. And below you see a
snapshot of Gucci and Sammy Davis Jr. visiting the Goldberg Family
Campus and Golf Course.
4/09/01Rabbi Jessie
Jackson's "That Girl Gucci"
This
collector book cover features a never before seen picture of
Rabbi Jessie Jackson wearing his favorite yamaluke. Sammy Davis
Jr. did the actual writing.
9/11/01"Assistance
Request"
We
can't afford it on our own anymore.
4/11/01"Skirt
hits the Fan: Joe DiMaggio's Foul Ball"
This
collector DVD cover, never before seen in the free world, features
an uncensored double exposure shot of Marilyn's steamy one night
stand with a subway fan in the Bronx.
"Rebels Without
a Cause: Trophies for the Dean"
Above,
not far from the white waters of infamous Bagnell Dam, Missouri
we see Natalie Wood posing with her favorite 'living oil' of
sweetheart racer James "psiton-head" Dean.
4/12/01"Blowin'
In The Wind: They Had a Hammer"
On the
cover of this benchmark publication, Peter, Paul, and Mary unwittingly
ham it up after a well-intentioned, but uninspired recording
session.
"Last Stand:
Dominions End"
4/14/01
"Princess Grace:
Plain and Simple"
4/15/01 Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco leans against the bonnet
of her very plain Rolls Royce and strums a simple tune before
her last motorcade.
"Mountain Training
VII:
Eye of the Tiger Revisited"
4/18/01 The Julie Andrews
Sisters and Rocky, together at last.
"Joe Camel meets
Lady Marlboro"
4/19/01
Kim Basinger's brilliant younger sister, Trim, did
most of the dirty work on this masterpiece of investigative reporting.
"Oscar's Children:
Bo D. Bodacious"
4/21/01
Embracing
her second 'Best Body Language' Oscar, a very cerebral Bo Derek
shows what twenty minutes of rigorous excercise a day can do
for a healthy mind. Her friends pitched in and bought two of
Mickey Rooney's old Oscars and gave them to her Christmas.
"After the Rainbow:
the Judy Garland Equations"
4/21/01
Made
public for the first time, Einstein's afterlife Rainbow Rider
Hypothesis formulates beyond a daoubt how the Raindrops of our
Soul continue to permeate the Universe long after the the transient
vapor of our withered bodies dissappears.
"Group Therapy:
Hollywood Style"
4/22/01
Judy
Garland and daughter Liza ham it up with neighbor Henry Winker
before joining "the girls" for a trendy group meditation
excercise
"Agony and Ecstasy:
For the Love of Beauty"
4/23/01
On
the cover of this recent release, we see that when Annette unexpectedly
joins the therapy group, the Fonz got out his easel and paints.
"Beach Beauty:
Mystery of the Cellophane
Bikini"
4/24/01
The next morning,
as depicted on this cover, multi-talented Frankie Avalon shows
up and drags Annette out to the beach to have her portrait painted
for posterity.
3/26/01"Beach
Beauty"
And here's
Frankie's finished canvas of Annette.
"Mia Farlow's Peyton
Place Shape-Up"
4/26/01
And here's
one of Frankie's illustration jobs he did for hour glass gal
pal and entrepreneur Mia Farlow.
"The Last Snapshot"
4/28/01
Was hubby
Robert Wagner asleep at the time of the drowning, or was he wide
awake following a heated game of pinnochle with pal Jim Nabors?
Only the lonely waves know...and a masseuse locked up in a state
mental hospital who may now be a candidate for a lobotomy for
letting this snapshot leak to the public.
"Fun, Fun, Fun.."
5/1/01
This inspirational book cover was based on a discarded
yearbook submission of Valedictorian Goldie Hawn's twin sister
posing with the Thunderbird that her boyfriend gave. Definitely
no lack of humor or school spirit on this honor student's part.
The photo is said to have been the inspiration for the Beach
Boys classic tune, 'she'll have Fun, Fun, Fun, 'til her daddy
takes her T-bird away.." It is interesting to note
that music prodigy Bryan Wilson was the art editor of the yearbook
at the time and cousin Mike Luv is the author of this tome.
5/1/01"Cindy
Does Viagra Falls"
The very fashionable
Supermodel Cindy Crawford endorses her "bloatation device
of choice" high atop the dangerous white waters of Viagra
Falls, in the very heart of the revitilized Catskills.
5/4/01"Bonnie
and Clyde"
Miss Faye Dunaway
lets it all hang out to demonstrate how the glorification of
crime is the biggest crime of all.
4/03/01"Newman's
Egg: The Lindsay Wagner Genome Story"
The onetime
Bionic Woman lends her inspirational beauty and talents to the
telling of this cautionary tale of science gone asunder.
9/11/01"Assistance
Request"
We
can't afford it on our own anymore.
5/7/01"Atlas
Shagged"
Visions of unshackled
greed permeate Uberfrau Ann Rynd's private journal of how she
came to view her slithery body as the worlds messianic vessel,
and money as its seminal fluid.
"View daVinci"
5/14/01
This 500-year old masterpiece was kept from the public
by Napoleon Bonaparte, Benito Mussolini, the KGB, and finally
a jealous Bill Clinton. Just this week, though, under the Freedom
of Information Act, a benevolent President George W. Bush acknowledged
the existence of this picture of the greatest mental giant of
all as he allows his charms to all hang out for the young ladies
as he reveals the source of his infinite wisdom and righteousness.
"Life Pretended:
Cocktails anybody?"
The Divine Ms. M. in progress as of 5/17/01
5/18/01"In
Da Gaden Davida"
In this earth-shaking
allegory, Miss Raquel Welch's body parts play the role of David's
disenchanted, but totally endowed sister, Davida, an extremely
talented gardener.
6/02/01"The
Kiss"
And here's a couple
other comely visitors to David's exclusive domain.
5/2501"Raiders
of the Lost Art: Consummation"
This amazing
sequel statue by Michelangelo was recently discovered in the
old organ room at the Sistine which had been sealed for 500 years,
since Michelangelo began work on his Last Judgement. It was a
secret project and explains why the Last Judgement took so long.
"David and Davida:
Park of the Lost Art"
And
here is a glimpse of the new Michelangelo Time Gardens project
in St. Louis that is being overseen by my cousin Krause, dedicated
to art and free to all, as always.
6/13/01"Glorious
Sternum's Hit the Road, Jock!"
Ms.
Steinem showing constituents her latest one-size-fits-all partygirl
ensemble which she plans to wear as master of ceremonies at the
annual Purple Prosthesis Awards gala in Little Rock.
6/14/01"Janet
Reno's Amateur Crime Busters"
Finally,
this full disclosure of the much-touted Reno Effect teaches us
all how to rid our homes and neighborhoods of crime.
6/28/01"Wiva
Los Wages"
The
story of how a perfectly voluptuous Ann Margret and the impeccably
groomed Elvis made musical history one starry night at Lawrence
Welk's Musical Fountain Resort behind Caesar's Palace in Sin
City.
7/9/01"The
All New Sally Jessie Raphael Show"
For
all the world to see, Sally unveils the mastery of her very personal
makeover experts.
7/10/01"I
am Woman, See me Now!"
For
all the world to see, a middle-aged Helen Reddy struts her stuff
with hard-won confidence.
7/19/01"Log
Cabin Living"
For
all the world to enjoy, a middle-aged Martha Stewart reveals
her inner self as she takes us thru a step by step tutorial on
back to basics in log cabin living.
7/23/01"Mrs.
Robertson!"
An
ageless Anna Bancroft reveals her inner beauty as young Ben asks
that timeless question, "Are you trying to seduce me?"
7/26/01"Runaround
Sue"
An
ageless Joan Woodard reveals her inner beauty as young Paul Numan
as Dion also asks that timeless question, "Are you trying
to seduce me?"
8/28/01"Hillary's
Hill"
The
former first lady moves on up the ladder under her own steam.
8/28/01"Camelot
Teeters"
As
the world teeters on the brink of destruction, President Kennedy
has his mind on Miss Monroe's quite ample teeters.
8/29/01"Liz
at 69"
This
snapshot recently discovered at the Burbank YMCA in the abandoned
locker of Johnny Carson proves that The Liz still has it.
9/1/01"Mary
Astor's Maltese Falcon"
Finally,
this beautiful 1941 World Premiere Guide becomes public domain,
no longer do only Hollywood's super elite know what Mary Astor
looks like with her hair down.
9/2/01"The
Loretta Young Story"
The
impeccable Miss Young dazzles us with the beautiful purity of
her life convictions.
9/03/01"Life
is a Beach, with Rita Hayworth"
This
abandoned screenplay was written by Rita herself, while secluded
at Nixon's San Clemente beach house during the Checkers scandal.
9/03/01"Getting
Personal with Valerie Bartinelli"
Finally,
the untouched beauty of this forty year-old Italian-American
virgin is revealed.
3/18/01"Island
Girl"
This
startling image of a youthful Amelia Earhardt first arrived in
the US in the mid 90's and is still being touted as authentic
by the Hughes Color Lab. The Hughes executive staff claim that
Amelia was almost 90 years old when the photo was taken in a
torrential downpour by Howard Hiughes who had recieved a private
invitation to Miss Earhardt's fountain of youth. Howard took
the details of their private meeting to his reclusive grave.
"Betsy Grable at
the Hughes Color Lab"
2/4/01
Howard
Hughes' favorite pin up sister, Betsy Grable, visits his personal
color lab in this believed lost photo recently discovered under
an old one-armed bandit in the basement of Binion's Horseshoe.
"Pearl Taken: Paradise
Lost"
a.k.a. "Tora, Tora,
Torah!"
2/12/01
Knowing
their fearless leader was a big fan of American gangster movies,
here's what Yamamoto's darkroom freaks did with Hughes' simple
pin-up after it was stolen from the wallet of a half dead American
sailor and airmailed to Tokyo. It is said that an oil painting
of the paste-up done by an American POW hung in the head meatball's
imperial brothel, until MacArthur confiscated the painting after
the war and mistakenly let it fall into the dirty hands of Ferdinand
Marcos...the end of all innocence.
It should be noted that Yamamoto's wiz
kids unknowingly enhanced the explosion above the USS Arizona
to make it resemble a mushroom cloud that was still several years
into the devestating future.
"High atop the
Hanoi Hilton"
2/14/01
Ms.
Jane Fonda prepares for her historic appearance at Ho Chi Minh's
very exclusive club.
"Mad Madonna does
Rome"
2/5/01
Visitors
to the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were shocked when the irreverant
material girl suddenly disrobed for a papperazi's camera amid
the splendor of Michaelangelo's most lofty and reverant art.
9/11/01"Assistance
Request"
We
can't afford it on our own anymore.
"Terminatrix"
2/20/01
Arnold's
pumped up biker sister Arnot makes an unrehearsed cameo appearance
on this Milton Berle variety special to help terminate violent
movies.
"Celebrititty Sibling
Pauline McCartney"
2/7/01
Paul
McCartney's musically challenged sister makes a secret quest
appearance on this Milton Berle variety special.
"Aunt Sylvia's
Favorite Charity"
2/16/01
Sylvestor's
althletic aunt who he always called Roxy also makes a secret
quest appearance on this Milton Berle variety special. And she
maanges to get a plug in for her favorite charity, The Roxy Balboa
Brain Damage Centre.
"Ivana Trumped:
Still Shopping"
2/8/01
"Painters Progress:
Style Restored"
2/2501
"Sign of theTimes:
Lifestyles of the Oprahlitically
Correct"
Rosie and Oprah in progress as of 11/30/00...
"Johnny Rivers'
Mountains of Love:
Dolly Parton, Tennessee's
Finest"
Dolly Parton in progress as of 10/21/00...
"Double Trouble
Indian Fighting: Pappy woulda spared 'em if he'd known what we
done."
The
Cherokee Cher Twins perform their annual fertility struggle,
in timely tribute to all the slain souls at the Little Big Horn.
Above are two pre-show
scrapshots in her mobile Gilded Bird Cage and below the lights
come up as it's finally showtime out at the old ball park.
"Showtime Memories
of Pristine Splendor:
Preparing for Barbra's
Pay-per-view White Heart Modesty Special,
Live from her mobile
Gilded Bird Cage parked out at munificent Beerhead Stadium!"
Ms. Streisand in progress as of 10/29/00
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Sorry friends and other~wise ones, the nudie contents of this page were in debatable taste and have been deleted when possible.
