3/2/01"Van Presley Gelt Sighted!"

    First off, above is a legendary out take sighting that my spineless cousin Richard failed to show you just because he has no official model release from the guy in the gold lemay suit.  But it just happens to be none other than Liz's recluse Art Director, Vincent van Presley Gelt.  I just hacked across it on Reeko's hard drive and I think the world has a right to see who's makin' the movies our kids are bein' exposed to.  No fancy gold frames here from yours truly, the Clearview Kid, just the bared ass truth.

3/3/01"Van Gogh Dayz Again: An Impression"

    And here the infamous art head is again, with another of his many sweethearts, hoping to get a free meal as the guest of honour at the St. Louis Art Museum's extravaganza of "Vincent van Gelt and the Petit Blvd. Painters."

"Cabaret Bogart"

at the entrance tunnel to Rick's Victory Caves along Historic Route 66 near Normandy, Missouri.

3/10/01"That Solid Gold Gucci Girl"

   Whoopi Goldberg's struggling sister, Gucci Goldberg, finally steps into the lime light in this private audition photo locked away for too many years in the Ian Fleming family archives. And below you see a snapshot of Gucci and Sammy Davis Jr. visiting the Goldberg Family Campus and Golf Course.

 

3/11/01"Gucci and Sammy Davis Jr. at the Goldberg Compound"

    Above, not far from the white waters of infamous Bagnell Dam, Missouri we see Natalie Wood posing with her favorite 'living oil' of sweetheart racer James "psiton-head" Dean.

3/14/01"Blowin' In The Wind"

    Peter, Paul, and Mary ham it up abit for an aborted cover shoot after an inspired but arduous recording session.

   The Julie Andrews Sisters and Rocky Daniels, together at last.

 

   3/07/01

 

  1/30/01

       Kim Basinger's older sister, Trim, was unwittingly duped into posing for this "Lady Marlboro" ad that never made it past the test marketing phase. Done before the advent of computer graphics, this layout was strictly a kitchen table "cut and paste" operation.

 

  2/2/01

     Embracing her second 'Best Body Language' Oscar, a very cerebral Bo Derek shows what twenty minutes of rigorous excercise a day can do for a healhy mind.

 

3/17/01"Over The Rainbow"

    This simple, but prophetic portrait of the amazing Judy Garland was painted by Hyman Goldshmidt, infamous student of grand master, Wilhelm Bouguereau.

3/18/01"Group Therapy Hollywood Style"

    Judy Garland and daughter Liza have a good laugh with neighbor Henry Winker before joining "the girls" for a trendy group meditation excercise.

3/20/01"Fonzie's Girls"

    However, in this rectently released image, we see that when Annette unexpectedly joined the reunion, the Fonz got out his easel and paints.

3/18/01"Island Girl"

    This startling image of a youthful Amelia Earhardt first arrived in the US in the mid 90's and is still being touted as authentic by the Hughes Color Lab. The Hughes executive staff claim that Amelia was almost 90 years old when the photo was taken in a torrential downpour by Howard Hiughes who had recieved a private invitation to Miss Earhardt's fountain of youth. Howard took the details of their private meeting to his reclusive grave. But the image above shows the protective fur hat and pubic patch g-string that Miss Earhardt usually wore in public. It seems the potent fluids of the fountain of youth removed all Amelia's body hair

  2/4/01

     Howard Hughes' favorite pin up sister, Betsy Grable, visits his personal color lab in this believed lost photo recently discovered under an old one-armed bandit in the basement of Binion's Horseshoe.

 

  2/12/01

       Knowing their fearless leader was a big fan of American gangster movies, here's what Yamamoto's darkroom freaks did with Hughes' simple pin-up after it was stolen from the wallet of a half dead American sailor and airmailed to Tokyo. It is said that an oil painting of the paste-up done by an American POW hung in the head meatball's imperial brothel, until MacArthur confiscated the painting after the war and mistakenly let it fall into the dirty hands of Ferdinand Marcos...the end of all innocence.
    It should be noted that Yamamoto's wiz kids unknowingly enhanced the explosion above the USS Arizona to make it resemble a mushroom cloud that was still several years into the devestating future.

  2/14/01

     Ms. Jane Fonda prepares for her historic appearance at Ho Chi Minh's very exclusive club.

 

  2/5/01

     Visitors to the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were shocked when the irreverant material girl suddenly disrobed for a papperazi's camera amid the splendor of Michaelangelo's most lofty and reverant art.

 

  1/27/01

     This 500-year old self-portrait was kept from the public by Napoleon Bonaparte, Benito Mussolini, the KGB, and finally a jealous Bill Clinton. Just this week, though, under the Freedom of Information Act, a benevolent President George W. Bush acknowledged the existence of this picture of the greatest mental giant of all as he allows his charms to all hang out for the young ladies.

 

  2/20/01

     Arnold's pumped up biker sister Arnot makes an unrehearsed cameo appearance on this Milton Berle variety special to help terminate violent movies.

 

  2/7/01

     Paul McCartney's musically challenged sister makes a secret quest appearance on this Milton Berle variety special.

 

  2/16/01

     Sylvestor's althletic aunt who he always called Roxy also makes a secret quest appearance on this Milton Berle variety special. And she maanges to get a plug in for her favorite charity, The Roxy Balboa Brain Damage Centre.

 

  2/8/01

     

  2/2501

   Rosie and Oprah in progress as of 11/30/00...

 

   Dolly Parton in progress as of 10/21/00...

 

"Double Trouble Indian Fighting: Pappy woulda spared 'em if he'd known what we done."

     The Cherokee Cher Twins perform their annual fertility struggle, in timely tribute to all the slain souls at the Little Big Horn.

 

"Camelot Woman in the Ready Room:
Full Disclosure, All Marilyn"

    Hanging from her neck is a replica of the legendary King David Prosthesis that Rose Kennedy secretly gave her.

   Ms. Monroe in progress as of 10/24/00

"First Sweetheart Tactical Deployment: Never Promised a Rose Garden"

"Welcome to Hooters:

Cocktails anybody?"

The Divine Ms. M. in progress as of 10/26/00

Above are two pre-show scrapshots in her mobile Gilded Bird Cage and below the lights come up as it's finally showtime out at the old ball park.

"Showtime Memories of Pristine Splendor:

Preparing for Barbra's Pay-per-view White Heart Modesty Special,

Live from her mobile Gilded Bird Cage parked out at munificent Beerhead Stadium!"

Ms. Streisand in progress as of 10/29/00

"The RocKing"

     In the studio above, a nude Elvis look-alike with David's bewildered Sculptor Michelangelo.

---

 And below, out in a timeless poppy field along old Route 66, is a larger nude Elvis with a Michelangelo look-alike.

"The Old King Family Plot"

     This recently discovered mock-up for a General Motors magazine ad back in the 60's was never widely distributed, except to GM's in-house executive cocktail lounges.

just getting started 1/19/01

     The perfectly voluptuous Ann Margret sings accapella her own rendition of Viva Las Vegas, at the rear entrance to Caesars Palace in Sin City.

just getting started 1/21/01

     Donna Reed's younger sister, Danna, had hoped to soar to stardom in this rather bizarre and somewhat tasteless Max Factor magazine endorsement that was abandoned before it got off the ground.

just getting started 1/22/01

     In their sweet corner of liberty, Harpo and Harlow make heavenly music as the definitive platinum blonde lets her hair hang down at last.

just getting started 1/20/01

     Sorry folks, but we have to get serious sometimes. The only naked thing in this picture is the chicken that has just spent its life in the hellish bowels of a modern factory farm.

just getting started 1/23/01

just getting started 2/10/01

(wide angle view with Bobby Kennedy, his buddies at Dragnet and a glimpse of the abandoned J Ruby missile silo #62)

in progress as of 11/03/00

Frank Sinatra atop his very exclusive "That's Life" Soft Rock Cafe

in progress as of 11/03/00

Barbra takes a well-earned beer break as her very mobile Gilded Cage Salon double parks out in front of Frank's Bistro in preparation for a latenight "That's Life" jam session.

in progress as of 11/03/00

Clark Gable and Carole Lombard
at The Gables Honeymoon Motel along Historic Route 66

    Hilary Clinton with Rush Limbaugh in front of the Clinton Library and Slick Willie Monument that comes complete w/ RU666 Abortion Capsule. That's Monicker Lewdinsky barely visible under Clinton's right arm in the departure poster atop the depository. Al Gore stands watch as the very proper First Lady applauds.

as of 11/24/00 Monicker Lewdinsky's knockers get back in the act.

    In the image above we see sculptor Michaelangelo Gore make some last minute adjustments before playing his King Joe Card.

 

"Planned Parenthood"

Comely spokesmother Kathleen Turner caught brainstorming in the boardroom.
in progress as of 11/03/00

"Disco Gloria: Stayin' Alive"

      Ms. Steinem showing constituents her latest one-size-fits-all partygirl ensemble which she plans to wear as master of ceremonies at the annual Purple Prosthesis Awards gala in Little Rock.
in progress as of 11/14/00

"Gunsmoke's real Miss Kitty"

     Horsing around during a smoking break between shoots in this "lost" publicity still, Miss Kitty shows us all who the real boss of Gunsmoke was.

just getting started 11/26/00

"Cagney and Lacey go 'Bang, Bang!!'"

    Cagney and Lacey go for the silver and gold, each earning a silver hand gun, solid gold bullet-proof badge/chastity belt and a gold-plated Emmy award...and their very own precinct and gold-trimmed and fuel-injected prowl car to boot.

  just getting started 11/29/00

"On The Run: Special Friends"

    Revealing appearances and in-depth interviews with the weekly girlfriends who made it all possible. This first publicity still for a never released series just happens to feature the unwed aunt of Kate Winslet.

  just getting started 12/9/00

"The Prime of Miss Jean Pauley"

    Revealing appearances and in-depth interviews with the weekly girlfriends who made it all possible. This second publicity still for a never released series just happens to feature the unwed aunt of Jane Pauley.

  just getting started 12/18/00

"On The Run: Special Friends"

    Revealing appearances and in-depth interviews with the weekly girlfriends who made it all possible. This third publicity still for a never released series just happens to feature the defrocked second cousin of Olivia Newton-John.

  just getting started 12/16/00

"Uncle Belvis and Aunt Cyvil"

         Two of Elvis's dearest relatives and earliest role models in a very public and eclectic polynesian re-enactment of the timeless banana-sampling ritual.

  just getting started 12/13/00

"Satisfaction"

         An apparently grateful Sandra Bullock, another easily satisfied recipient of one of my diligent cousin Richard's pedestrian drawings.

  just getting started 12/31/00

"Penis Wars: From Sophia With Love"

         007 and friends team up with the lucious Miss Sophia Loren in Norman Thalberg's private screening parlor for this never released tour de farce directed by film prodigy Steve Spielberg.

  just getting started 12/28/00

"The Magnificent Mrs. Ava Gardner Borgnine"

"Earnest in the Garden of Ava"

         The very secretly wed Mr. and Mrs. Earnest Borgnine alone in their very own garden valley at last.

  just getting started 1/9/01

"Winter Wonderland: Lady Needs a Ride"

         The harlowesque Carroll Baker's trusty moped craps out right in the middle of a totally unexpected California snow storm just outside the cozy little hamlet of Simi Valley.

  just getting started 1/10/01

         In this recently released KGB spy photo, the very intellegent and beautiful Queen Elizabeth II and the extremely wise Sir Winston "Hammerhead" Churchill find mutual comfort at the royal piano during the earliest years of the Cold War, the end of all innocence.

  just getting started 1/14/01

"Lady Diana's Royal Review"

         This Scotland Yard surveillance photo gives us a glimpse of how little privacy the people's princess really has.

  just getting started 1/12/01

"Fergie Takes a Breather"

         Not far from the Lady Di Meditation Garden, a very invigorated Fergie takes a well-earned breather following her daily jog around the palace grounds.

  just getting started 1/11/01

         Well, cowpokes, here's a never released album cover for that classic 1960's tune, In The Year 2525, featuring a very healthy Raquel Welch.

  just getting started 1/02/01

"Penis Wars II: From Raquel With Love"

         007 and friends team up again, this time with the lucious and very busy Miss Raquel Welch and 007 hopeful Tony Benett in Norman Thalberg's private screening parlor for this second never released tour de farce directed by Krause film student Steve Spielberg.

  just getting started 12/28/00

"Well-oiled Victory: Top Secret Debriefing"

         Taken during a debriefing regarding his well-oiled victory over Sadam Hussein, this top secret Special Forces photo reveals the calmly assertive nature of America's new Secretary of State, declassified at long last.

  just getting started 1/07/01

"Desert Scum: Garbage In The Sand"

         A picture is worth...

  just getting started 2/25/01

"Diana Sawyer at Coney Island"

         Diane Sawyer's overlooked twin sister makes a name for herself as she discovers a series of never-before-seen "My Fair Lady" posters orchestrated by Ed Sullivan and hidden for decades at Bing Crosby's Coney Island beanery.

  just getting started 12/24/00

"My Fair Lady: A Really Big Show"

         The full natural beauty of Miss Audrey Hepburn stll shines in this never-before-seen archival masterpiece conceived by really big showman Ed Sullivan and uncovered by Diana Sawyer.

 

 

   3/11/01

"They Called Him Mister Chud!"

   And here you see an out-take from the same show when an out-of-work Charlton Heston strutted on stage uninvited trying to get the part of the professor.  Fortunately for cinematic history, Chuck failed miserably. At the time, he demanded to be called "Mister Chud."

"My Fair Lady: A Really Big Show II"

         The full natural beauty of Miss Dionne Warwick stll glows in yet another never-before-seen archival masterpiece conceived by really big showman Ed Sullivan and uncovered by Diana Sawyer.

  just getting started 12/20/00

"My Fair Lady: A Really Big Show III"

         The tender beauty of Katie Couric's disenfranchised cousin, Miss Kathie Couric, stll shimmers in still another never-before-seen archival masterpiece conceived by really big showman Ed Sullivan and uncovered by Diana Sawyer.

  just getting started 12/22/00

"My Fair Lady: A Really Big Show IV"

         The womanly wonder of Barbara Walters's country cousin, Miss Bee Walters, stll sparkles in yet another never-before-seen archival masterpiece conceived by really big showman Ed Sullivan's prolific brain and uncovered by Diana Sawyer.

  just getting started 12/23/00

"Bing Crosby Holiday Suite Audition: Barbara Mandrell"

         The festive physique of country-western hopeful, Miss Barbara Mandrell, stll looks good in this hidden camera kodachrome orchestrated by really big showman Ed Sullivan's prolific brain and uncovered by Diana Sawyer.

  just getting started 12/27/00

"Chelsea Pumps Up amd Cools Off after her SATs"

    This down-to-earth and now accessible Clintonite affords us a peek at her beautiful extra ciricular qualifications for both Vassar and Brandeis.

  just getting started 12/4/00

"Family Viewing: The Laughing Beauty Naked Comedy Hour VI"

    This sixth "lost" poster for the abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Beauties Miss Joan Rivers and daughter Melissa.

  just getting started 12/18/00

"The Laughing Heads Naked Comedy Hour Preshow Warmup"

    This unauthorized candid photo for an abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis was used only to warm up the crowd before the show and has never befiore been released to the public.

  just getting started 12/2/00

"The Laughing Heads Naked Comedy Hour"

    This first "lost" poster for an abandoned 50's pilot episode starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Beauty Miss Janet Leigh.

  just getting started 11/30/00

"The Laughing Heads Naked Comedy Hour II"

    This second "lost" poster for the same abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Beauty Miss Carole Burnette.

  just getting started 11/30/00

"The Laughing Heads Naked Comedy Hour III"

    This third "lost" poster for the same abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Beauty Miss Lucille Ball.

  just getting started 11/30/00

"The Laughing Heads Naked Comedy Hour IV"

    This fourth "lost" poster for the same abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Bully Master Jay Leno.

  just getting started 12/5/00

"The Laughing Buddies Naked Comedy Hour V"

    This fifth "lost" poster for the same abandoned 50's series starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and guest Laughing Buddies Masters Johnny Carson and David Letterman.

  just getting started 12/5/00

 

"Of Big Guns, Tiny Gonads, Mounted Ladies and Gullible Children: the Naked Truth"

         Courtesy of the Second Amendment Bank and Trust, we see a pay-per-view museum presentation of Charlatan "Sinai" Heston, rimfire president of the NRA and late 20th century role model, anatomically typical of many gun-lovers and metaphysically identical to all.

 

"The O J Simpson Disgrace: Justice Slain"

        The cowardly Simpleton flees the scene, leaving the mess for the just of all races to clean up.
OJ in progress as of 11/01/00

"Quest at Giza"

    The neverending search for the holy grail of professional sports and entertainment: the coveted, and overused, King David Jockstrap/G-String/Prosthesis.

  just getting started 12/4/00

     Hey dude, can the Clearview Kid help it, if in every peaceful park you go to you see somebody impersonating that wrestling superstar that calls himself "The Rock," and on top of it all he's got his boom box assaulting you. I guess they could call this lookalike Little Rock, along with all the other brain-scrambled dudes who try to impress their chicks with rap crap.

"Study of a nude Pick-asso at Septic Tank #667"

    At last, the naked truth and resolution of so-called modern art and Pablo's twisted contribution. On his deathbed, Pablo is reported to have muttered to his disallusioned croonies, "Fellas, someday the world is going to wake up and realize that all modern art since the impressionists, including mine, is just as worthless...just as worthless as I am lazy. Alot of art people are going to be pissed off that they've wasted their lives. May the devil have mercy on my twisted soul...cause I know God don't want no part of it.  Good art used to be an important part of life, until me and all the others screwed it all up..u...." And the bastard died.

in progress as of 11/23/00
    I know, the image above is a nasty, perverse picture, but somebody had to expose the bald-headed, naked truth of the modern art industry.    

At your service, David R. Daniels, the Clearview Kid.