Ever wonder why the Honeymooner series ended? Sure you did. And now, you're about to find out why. Jackie "Ralph Kramden" Gleason could see that finally the ratings were going down and that even he was sick of being a bus driver. So Kramden and Norton decided to head out on the highway to make a pilot for a new scooterized Honeymooner series. But when Alice and Tricksey refused to join them the idea was abandoned and caused a cast conflict that could not be resolved.
Fed up with show biz for the time being, Gleason was a big buddy of Henry Fonda and told his son Peter who had already made up a pro bono poster for the abandoned project, "Sure kid, go ahead and make a movie out of it."
    Peter smiled wide as Jackie said, "And away youuu goooo!" The rest is cinematic histrionics, and this thought-lost movie poster was discovered shortly after Gleason's death in Originaldo's junkyard above the headliner of a coversion Volkswagen Mini Bus driven into the ground by Dennis Hopper. Jane Fonda Tuner was working out in Baghdad in 2003 and unavailable for comment, except to say, "No doubt, brother Peter had help on putting this poster together by Art Corny."

    Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy trade places for a brief moment in ill-fated President Kennedy's highly touted "Camelot." It has recently been leaked by the Smithsonian janitorial staff that the original layout for this poster was discovered by the Secret Service in the lavatory aboard Air Force One shortly after LBJ moved into the Oval Office with his favorite robotic jackass saddle.

    Sure, most of us liberty lovers know that the French sculptor of our favorite statue used his mother for a model, but it is little known that Frenchie's mom wasn't completely happy with Emma Lazarus's inspirational "give me your huddled masses" poem engraved on the pedestal, only because it mentioned nothing of the goodness needed to earn and preserve liberty and for our spirit to grow. So many years after Lady Liberty was installed on Ellis Island, Mrs. Frenchie's grand daughter painted this beautiful picture to try and convince New York shakers and movers to add a stainless steel sash engraved with the words "With Goodness We Grow." Needless to say, no interest was shown in the idea because there weren't any Wall Streeters who could figure out a way to make money off the idea. But now, a few years after the World Trade Center destruction, many of the families and friends of those killed in acts of terrorism everywhere in our country are trying to get together, lobby Congress for permission, and fund Mrs. Frenchie's idea out of their own pockets. When Originaldo was asked what he thought Lady Liberty might say about the idea he replied sort of poetically~"Young or old, moneyed or wanting, lame or fortunate, leave your diversions of comfort, greed and reverie. Flood my torch with only your goodness, and then together our spirits will grow forever."

    Creative tough guy Woody Allen struts his semetic stuff as the leader of The Warriors gang from Coney Island in this avante garde poster salvaged from between the bedsprings of a Queen-Annie bed auctioned at Christies on behalf of Mia Farrow.

    Dean Martin offers us his favorite remedy for lousy nerves on this limited edition book jacket discovered rolled around a bottle of Mogan David's 20 proof Mad Dog Wine laying outside the Hollywood offices of Alcoholics Anonymous. Jerry Lewis's one-time straightman claims that deist Ben Franklin once said seriously, "I know there is a God and that He loves us humans because He created beer."

    Well folks, here's a never before seen poster promo for the final, unreleased episode of the islandmark series. Rourke insists that Tatoo retouched the photo, but the cast says that this is the way it really was on the set that fateful day in paradise on "Reality Island." This last remaining print is said to have been discovered floating on the oil-slicked water above the Battleship Arizona at Pearl Harbor.

    We've all listened in awe to Elton John's heavenly "Like a Candle in the Wind," supposedly written about Marilyn Monroe. But just recently, not long after Princess Diana's untimely demise, Pal McCartney, an opportunist friend of Paul McCartney who changed his last name from McCarthy to McCartney when Paul got famous, is said to have released the true story behind the song to Liverpool's BVD Broadcast System. According to what Pal reported to he BVD-BS, Elton's father, Elder John was actually dating Marilyn at the time of her very suspicious demise, and penned the classic tune on a napkin at one of the first Denny's in the country, just down the road from Marilyn's place, while federal investigators were tidying up her bedroom. The one-of-a-kind poster you see here was actually put together by Elder (from a painting by Originaldo) several months before Marilyn's death, to try and persuade her to make a movie he had in mind. So, yes, "Like a Candle in the Wind," was originally envisioned as the title for a movie not a song. As for the artsey-fartsey poster, Elder gave the only copy of it to Pal in the late 60's and when Pal showed it to Paul , Paul desperately wanted Abbey Road to make the movie using a Marilyn look-alike. Yoko wanted the part, but she went ballistic when Paul, George and Ringo all said they said she didn't exactly look like Marilyn....as a result the Beatles split up and the rest is history. Both Elder John and Pal McCartney, once said in unison on a conference call to Originaldo about the whole affair, "The truth sometimes sure is stranger than fiction." Elton and Paul have both remained silent, except to say, "Why in God's name would anyone in his right mind make up such a bizarre story or paint such a beautiful picture of Marilyn just to back it up?" As a final note, very recently Paul McCartney telied Originaldo to ask him what he thought in distant retrospect. "Maybe I was wrong years ago, Originaldo, and needlessly caused the Beatles to break up. Maybe with enough make-up John's wife could have possibly played Marilyn." Originaldo gasped, "Yoko? Oh no!

    Yes, all us baby boomers remember Claribell and the Peanut Gallery, but how many of us know the legend of Originaldo's Uncle Yahn, the Arkansas cabinet maker that crafted the puppet Howdy Dowdy? We all liked Howdy, but only Yahn Pupe's immediate family knew how special he really was, that he had been carved by Yahn from a 400 year old Jerusalem Olive Tree that had been struck down by lightning. Yahn and his family enjoyed the success of the Howdy Doody Show more than most. But years later, when Yahn was much wiser he realized what humankind had done to the Earth and everything on it. So he modified this old TV Guide to show how Buffalo Bob and the rest of us were really the puppets of the natural world we live in. It is interesting to note that Yahn's cabinet shop was located in a town called Hope.

    Yep, you guessed it, my fellow history puffs, Yahn Pupe and Bill Clinton both reign from Hope, Arkansas. And it was the local Pupe Museum that Senator Ted Kennedy visited while cruising through backwoods Arkansas, trying to explore the roots of the Clinton-Rodham dynasty for an upcoming New York Times bestseller. Teddy interviewed Pupe's grand daughter Betsey Pumice, co-director of the Pupe Museum. In the backseat of his Martha's Vineyard limo, Ms. Pumice casually showed "Teddy Bear" the Howdy Doody switcheroo picture you've already seen. The rest is history. While making routine repairs, a Senatorial chairperson discovered the "Hillary and Bill" TV Guide shown here plastered to the underside of Ted kennedy's overstuffed and badly abused chair. History may little note nor long remember that the chairperson doing the repairs was named Charley House, Originaldo's step-brother and governmental savant.

    Bill Cosby visited King's assassin in prison shortly before Ray's painful death. The two men just stared at each other, speechless for more than half an hour. Cosby then handed him a purple Bible and left. After James Earl Ray's death, a nurse discovered the purple Bible under the sweat-stained blankets. A lobby poster of King as a peaceful gladiator was neatly folded and paperclipped to the last page of Exodus. And it is now known that the black Moses and Jesus and MLK's majestic face were all painted by Originaldo himself...while working one long hot summer at a used bookstore in St. Louis misery.

    Destiny rides again as oppressive hot shot Hussein lives out his days exiled in Washington D.C., servicing the presidential limo. Copies of this bawdy but poignant leaflet were dropped by the millions on Baghdad shortly before American Marines liberated the Iraqi capital's civilians. Many naysayers in the American press claim it is only a Saddam look-alike, but Originaldo's Marine Drill Instructor and CIA operative, old Bull Sayer, claims "he's the real DNA thing."

    This totally authorized poster was put together by Originaldo's son Waldo who has served very discretely for some years as the Bush dynasty's key private advisor. The awesomely shocking image is a slightly retouched photo taken aboard Air Force One showing the heads of state that will birng liberation to Iraq. A bust of a smiling George washington was sculpted by Waldo especially for the photo op. One of Barbara Bush's literacy students designed the "No-Nukes" logo. The glowing image of Lady Liberty outside the Oval Window was rendered by Kate Smith's niece.

    Neo-Fascist Fundamentalist Re-Colonists in Liverpool just recently put together this "Fight Club" poster to try and show that Ghandi's peace antics were phoney and that he was really a closet street brawler. Strangely enough, Mahatma's followers have themselves embraced the image, after changing the title to "Blight Club," to show that peaceful resistance is often more of a painful struggle than violent aggression, or so they told Originaldo's favorite cub reporter Jiminy Olson.

    This "MyTricks" poster was put together by Brutus Carville's p.r. staff to try and convince Clinton to run for a third term despite the Moniker Lewdinsky indescretion. Carville hoped to lobby Congress to amend the constitution to allow more than two terms by allowing each Congressperson to screen test with Miss Lewdinsky multiple times. But according to Hillary Rodham's pedicurist (Originaldo's Little Rock Cousin) the First Lady persuaded Carville to delay the plan until 2008 when she wins what misoynist shock jocks will certainly dub The Ovary Office.

    This totally unauthorized poster was put together by Ursula Andress's butler who happened to be Originaldo's illegitimate Uncle Raz. Ursula had a passionate crush on Bing Crosby and tried to persuad Ian Fleming to use his clout and replace Sean Connery with Bing. Ursula is said to never have made love without one of Bing's records spinning next to her. Needless to say, Sean deservedly remained the one and only 007 but he did agree to have White Christmas played every time he and Ursula embraced, both off and on screen. .

    Hey, wouldn't you be a little peeved if you'd won the popular vote for the most pestigous office in the world but the Electrical College said nay because of some brown-outs in West Palm Beach? Yeah, well Al played it as cool as a cucumber, but hot-to-trot Tipper put together this movie idea to motivate her hubby to never give up the ship. After a few kisses from Tipper, Alberto began to like the idea, so he grew a beard. But it didn't last long. Off came the beard and back to being a cucumber...even premature withdrawal from any future oval office competition. So now all we got left is Josiah Lieberman. And, of course, we also have left this historic poster to remind us that Originaldo's old cellmate Sly, now a baggage handler at Idlewild, has his keen eye peeled for cutting edge stuff we need to know about. He found this poster hidden in the false bottom of Tipper's makeup case. Thanks Sly! And get back in the race Alberto! Or you gonna waste the rest of your life writing books like
"The Power of Body Language?"

    The plague of super stardom, manic depression, finally hit Mel Gibson so he turned to deep analysis, on the fluffy couch of the genuis Dr. Richard von Kratsky, a colleague of Originaldo's. Kratsky discovered that Mel's psychosis stemmed from his subconscious guilt connected with the production and proliferation of gratuitous violence in movies like Lethal Weapon. So Mel reverted to his boyhood name, Melvin, and went about trying to figure out how to rectify his sins. Even Brave Heart, the movie he was most proud of, concentrated a bit too much on the violent side of history. So he decided to remake it to atone for his sins. Analysis had also revealed that all of Melvin's charisma and boyish glow had come from his passion for watching Andy Hardy movies as a lad down under. So he recruited the now elderly, but nevertheless still hardworking, Mr. Mickey Rooney to star in this sequel of sequels. At this very moment Mickey and Melvin are finetuning the script based on this poster Dr Kratsky put together during Melvin's lucid dream analysis sessions. Von Kratsky assures us this one movie will cleanse the violent spirit of our young forever...but Kratsky's been wrong before.

    Yup, you'd think Robert Redford might choke on his Bull Durham if he saw this poster, but in fact, the swave and deboner Mr. Redford hisself commissioned one of Originaldo's students to render the image. At the height of his commercial success, Bob Red (as his friends call him) decided he wanted to do something for the betterment of the globe and everything on it rather than just for the benefit of the box office. So he decided to recruit naturalist Ralph Nader to be the director of a new independant film festival he had in mind. Nader liked the idea of using potatoes instead of rawhide baseballs, until rehearsals began. Potatoes were great to throw but squashed when hit. So Bob Red's bodyguard suggested they dry the spuds in the sun first...and thus was borne
The Sundried Film Festival.

    According to Originaldo's sister and other top photo-forensic experts around the world, this is an original unretouched photo taken sometime in the early 60's. A very matronly Marina Oswald just recently went public with the picture, using it as the poster for a movie she is hoping to someday produce. Her tentative screenplay claims it shows a very youthful Oliver Stone visiting Lee and herself in their very own backyard, pretending to recruit them for $5 as extras for a low budget hunting film he was working on at college. Little did she or her patsey husband know how many millions Oliver Stone would make years later when he produced JFK, based on an assassination Stone himself had prior knowledge of but took no steps to prevent. In her watershed story, Marina reveals who actually reworked this photo to make her husband appear the guilty man. But she only speculates on whether Stone actually had a hand in the assassination just so he could make a movie about it.

    Okay, dance fans, we've all seen tour de farce Flashdance, starring Jennifer Beals. But ever wonder what happened to young Jennifer after the box office smash? Well the photo shown here explains it all. No, it's not a poster; its a photo showing Journalism student Jennifer Beals standing in front of a bawdy poster, reviewing Kookie Roberts performance in Flushdance, a video production of Vassar University School of Mad Arts. A Paramount talent scout saw Jennifer's preview on campus cable and decided immediately that Beals' pouting mouth was the one that needed to play in the big screen version. "Flushdance" was changed to "Flashdance" to make it seem more family friendly and the rest, as we've said many times before, is history. Paramount, an equal opportunity provider, offered Kookie a spot on David Brinkley's Sunday Morning Show, provided she changed her name from Kookie to Cokie, and everybody was happy...except for the audiences who loved Jennifer in Flashdance. She decided to pass up all the big Hollywood sequel bucks and go back to journalism school. The silly, idealistic girl. The Flushdance poster hangs beside Cokie's dressing room mirror to help her get pumped up for Sunday Morning interviews with guys like Hairy Kissinger or even Originaldo hisself. Ain't fate funny, friends? Public toilet flusher to world events expert.

    The obvious question from looking at this old book cover? "Was James Dean really only 24 when he died?" We'll never know for sure. Because only the cover of this book has surfaced so far. It was discovered nailed to the wall of a junk yard in Southern California last year by Originaldo himself when his old LeBaron blew its radiator after crossing the desert headed for Hollywood.
Wheels, the young man who now owns the rather luxurious salvage yard claims that all he knows about it is that his grandfather, Motor Mouth was indeed the man who towed away the twisted wreckage of the Porsche that James Dean died in and that he actually only discovered the book cover last year when his grandfather died.
    Though Wheels said his grandpa never mentioned the actual book cover, he did tell him more than once that he had secretly discovered something very, very strange in the smashed glove compartment...an old battered book without a cover that a man named Dean James wrote about staying young forever, in 1910. Wheels also admitted to Originaldo that grandpa sold the actual book to MGM for $250,000.
    So we can only speculate what this all means. Did Motor Mouth rip the cover off himself and keep it as an insurance policy? Was James Dean really an old man named Dean James,a super fitness freak with an expensive rug? Was James Dean really a reckless driver or did someone sabotage his car's brakes and steering? It is curious that two of Deans' three movies weren't released until after his death.
Or, was the accident itself simply a case of just another old fart at the wheel? Who the heck knows, maybe Motor Mouth's story is just so much bullshit and retouched photos and James Dean was really 24 and the twisted wreckage of his car was tragically nothing but "rubble without a cause."

    What's the King of Horror doing with the Bionic Woman? We all know how Sting (as close friends truncate Stephen King's name) almost got killed on his bicycle a few years ago. But what we don't know, until now, is how he spent several months recuperating at Privileged University School of Medicine and became very familiar with their Human Gnome DNA project.
    Lindsay Wagner, former star of the Bionic Woman and one of his many show biz friends, came to visit him one day and urged him to spend his time in the hospital body building and writing a new book. Very seriously, Sting said, "Only if you help me. See, Lindsay, I been laying here, lucky to be alive, and have finally realized I've wasted my great literary gift on writing mindless stories about talking cars and mad dogs and spooky hotels. Now, i realize I need to use my reputation to educate my readers of the real life horrors of playing with nature's DNA and so many other things. Will you help me?"
    So for nine months, they labored together on the brilliant book you see here. It was written as a cautionary black comedy tale with a very serious prophetic message. But, sadly, Sting's publisher said it was too far off base and controversial for his readers, that he should just stick to his old formula. And before Sting could find another publisher Privileged University put a restraining order on his manuscript, claiming it devulged priveleged information he had stolen from PU's labs.
Sting and Originaldo are at this moment trying to get the restraining order lifted and show the world what the future will hold if left to short-sighted ex-Star Trekkies. For now, the only enlightenment on this deadly subject will have to come from this bizarre book cover Lindsay put together and later smuggled out of the court room...while Sting distracted all present by boldly exposing his new pumped-up physique. "A $100 contempt of court fine is a small price to pay for getting out the truth," he later told Originaldo while jogging past Gold's Gym and pointing,"and there's a joint with its very own brand of PU," Sting King said, flatulating freely.

    So where in Allah's name does the saga of this terroristic opium den poster begin? At birth, of course...when the frustrated doctor who delivered little Yassir slapped Yasser's mother in the face instead of Yasser's prune-shaped butt. Mrs. Arafat took one look at her little baby's face and said, "Oh, I see why you slapped me, Dr. Plo." And as impressionable Arafat grew up all his playmates in the sand teased him about how he had been hit by Allah's ugly stick." So "Y" as his family nicknamed him, decided at Sandstone University to go into show business and prove to his family how pretty he really was. But SU had no dramatics department so Yasser temporarily changed his name to Yassel and visited Israel's prestigous King David School of Drama and tried out for Fiddler on the Roof. He never even came close to getting the part, but the failed audition was all the evidence he needed to blame the Jews for his people's woes, and he pimped his little sister to pay a hungry Jewish artist to make up this phoney poster to show his friends back home. To tell the truth, the poster isn't all that phoney, because as soon as he got home, Y began fiddling in his very own rooftop shit house where nobody could see him, building bombs to blow up school buses headed for grade schools in the King David School District. "Ya gotta kill them little kikes in kindergarten, before they're big enough to keep you from driving them all into the sea," Y always said to his psychopathic followers. "To make an awful long and drawn out story short, "Ain't fate funny again," Originaldo says, "from Fiddler on the Roof to Piddler at the Podium and finally Shitler in the Sand."